I howl... !!

So, I was just looking through the Indian websites for summer projects, and got a sickening feeling while reading the eligibility criteria. Marks so n so n yada yada yada. And I was thinking to myself, why couldn’t they ask for a written essay and hold interview and review the student’s profile. Oh yea, that requires too much of hard work and Indians are bound never to such a thing, its not inbuilt in their character you see. And that tracked me back to my life in science in the Indian system. Maybe its worth writing a book, to talk about it, but surely there’ll be a billion cries about how good the Indian education system is and undergraduate studies are best (believe me, there are people who tell me that each day and all my reply to them is a questioning stare with a sarcastic ‘yes’). Maybe I am stuck up in a haphazard mess, of wrong time, wrong place, wrong people and everything wrong but that sets me into thinking that how can everything be so wrong and that leads me to thinking “Am I the one who is wrong all this while ?? ” …. I wonder, I seriously wonder about my existence and its purpose and wonder if people ever wondered about it too or are they just other creatures and machines bound to their everyday routine, bereft of creative thinking. I think I am surrounded by too many people belonging to the latter category in a place where there should have been none. When you first enter the doors of college, of a step further into the big world, believing to be entering into an adventurous ride, brimming with curiosity and pumped with enthusiasm, you don’t really expect yourself to slammed by dusted, directionless roads. First, the “Indian education system” fucks up your marks, then the cut-off marks rather slit your existence by a variation of 0.1% . Then you finally get into a college, you hope to make  friends and maybe the initial letdown wouldn’t have hurt so much, if at all you could carry yourself throughout along with your war of weapons of your desired subject. And seek for other warriors too. And initially, there are those who pose themselves to be such warriors but aren’t any. And even if u gave them the weapons, they would discard it away. No, I don’t have any grudges against them, but only a question as to why did they even opt to fight a battle when they didn’t want to fight. Let alone these warriors, the teachers, who could turn the tables upside down, inspire the warriors to pick their swords, turn out to be drained souls, bereft of joys of exploration and understanding. Studies were never about the chalk and blackboard, but they were a way of imparting knowledge of the universe we know till now, chalk was only a mean to sketch what you saw, when you couldn’t find anything in real that could explain what you tried to say. Yet, people got stuck to this fascination of chalks and laziness, where everything could be imagined even though they existed in real, the generator with the shaft couldn’t be identified or measured in scale, cause what they had known was only a rectangular plate between two blocks named as north and south pole of magnets about the size of half of a page of the answer sheet. And even when you want to discuss those engineering marvels you saw on nat geo last night, you’d only be confronted with questioning stares and blank faces. Let alone the voyage into space, the realities that surrounded them were just a manifestation of the unreal for them. It’s never just about the numbers you see, or the infinite derivations you rot, its something way deeper, of why it actually came and its significance. Fine, you rot, you score, you are the best machine that can memorize and write, but what about tomorrow, what would it be, when you are to discover, when you are to write by yourself, when are to think for thou self, oh yea, who bothers, cause you are more concerned about that mba degree you are going to get and the big fat salary that lures you from distant. Have you even ever like ever thought of what you are doing and why ? What does living actually mean to you ? Is it just to feed your greed and wants, and comply to the orders and wants of another homo sapien, or do you actually have a stand in this world ? And an individual identity… Does living only comprise of everyday booze and directionless days… haven’t you opened your eyes yet, or are your eyes smudged by the cataract of ignorance ? … Or Maybe I’m just tired… tired listening to cry babies, those crying for marks and those crying about how they have been pushed into science… if you never liked it, why take it, you had a choice, yes, the Indian system sucks, but that no way poses you to take the decision you’d want.. Sadly, even the meaning of science has been distorted into shreds of geek stories and the tag of a “sciency” cried by the ones who aren’t. And not just about science, I speak for those in humanities and commerce too, when how disgusted feelings arouse to see ever so increasing numbers of people who don’t know what they are doing, and claim to have a subject even when they don’t. thus, before you speak, know what you want to say, before you act, know what you are doing, and before you commit, know where you are heading to. But sometimes, I think my words go to deaf ears, and what I see, is something others just can’t, no matter how hard I try to explain, I’m afraid how many will really understand. Maybe my words would be misjudged as those of another cry-baby hating her life, and maybe my words would be just mocked as another weird cry. But, I howl, I howl in pain, I howl to the world out loud and tell them to stop and seek within.. I howl to find more companions in my mission to start the change, and it ain’t as though I just sit and howl, I’m digging my way into a deeper world of unexplored ventures and risked paths, cause I dare, I dare to dream admist the brackish fumes of ignorance and egoism. I dare to aspire beyond the barbered wires of rejections and forced failed attempts. I seek for a world, beyond today, I believe in a world of people who can truly see and hear words of one another, and appreciate the living in a cosmos, that never could have been ours....