Irritated enough !

Irritation happens.

Well, there are more than 10,105 things that can irritate you literally like hell, and I just wanted to list out a few :

1. When you are bursting out angry at something, and your cell phone suddenly beeps with a  message, thinking it to be something important you open the message that reads ::  “hot sunny leone pics, go to this website to download” I mean what is the problem with these people, I am NOT interested in the your bikini models  or pics of sunny leone (who should rather be named sunny loin !) 

2. When you silently wait at the metro station for your friend, reading a book, and a fat policeman comes up to you saying you are being watched by CCTV (So what, I can see that camera right above my head, don’t I have a right to wait ?) and that you can read your book somewhere else when only a foot away, a couple has been ogling at each other for the past whole hour and you wonder why can’t he ask them to leave or wait his “CCTV” didn’t capture it.

3. When auto rickshaws or rickshaw walas look at your face first before they mention the fare rate as if the fare rate is plastered on your face and varies for every different person, a blast of hindi slang is what sets them right. 

4. When you are waiting for red light to turn green amidst hundreds of cars around you, and one by one each one opens his car door to spit out his paan-peek or disgusting mucus. Yes, why not, Indian roads are indeed free for all, to throw anything and everything at them, be it kurkure packets, or paper or your own saliva, its our trademark style of leaving our mark in the world you see.  

5. When you sit in a class, and the teacher has no idea of what she is teaching. When your questions are met with “I’ll answer you in next class” and that next class never comes, the semester ends and teacher goes away too.

6. When you see those new-in-the-city-gals trying too hard to be “mod”. Heavy lipstick, off shoulder almost-transparent tops and braless hanging boobs, overlarge earrings and even smaller shorts. I am sure it wouldn’t hurt them if they covered themselves to certain decency. Take a break, I suggest. I am not a fashion critique nor an orthodox moral police but its a sincere suggestion for your own good.

7. When your best friend stops listening to you no matter how hard you try to explain to her in different ways and tones hoping she’ll understand, but you end up realizing you are beating your head against a solid impenetrable wall.

8. When  you finally think you still have years ahead to be someone in life, and the news flashes with 17-year old boy who entered the Olympics or 13 year old who joins the med school, or 11 year old kids doing perfect splits and pirouettes and contemporary, or kids who got their books published or the young artist who had an exhibition yesterday, and here I was thinking I still had time to be someone. (What was I doing in these past 20 years, I wonder) 

9. When you see those beaming smiles of people who look like 30 on pink sheets which are advertising their coaching institute and you realize, that they are actually those who got some rank somewhere who are supposedly your age. And the way your parents start giving second thoughts on what your future is going to be like.

10. When you are sitting in an examination hall, during summer, and heat exasperates your wits, you see the examiner drinking cold drink in front of you, and in another second she takes out cold waterlemon pieces, as though she’s come on a summer picnic, while you struggle more with the formulae in your head and heat that makes your brain work slower.

11. Sitting in metro, comfortably enough, till you realize, someone pushing in to sit in the 2cm gap they just saw between you and the person seated next you. Yes, we Indians use space very effectively, not to forget buses are one place where men no matter how old or young tried hard to push against you (reasons for which I believe castration for such men is justified duly.)

12. When you get stuck up at wedding party of some dad’s distant colleague, and all you’ve got to do is put up fake smiles to everyone you meet, be it aunties who are ready to bitch about you the moment you turn your back, or drunk uncles who can’t differentiate whether you are dad’s daughter or wife.

13. When you are hanging out with a friend (or mistakenly think so) because that friend is more busy doing facebook, than talking to you and you seriously think you should be facebooking her to get out of it.

14. When you are sitting in a movie hall, and some idiot's phone rings who might have forgotten put his phone on silent, but you realize he's an even  bigger idiot, who starts talking loudly on the phone about some shit as if he owns the cinema hall. Indian decency such as this is most admirable, ain't it ? Yea, we so love to hear a croaking voice in the middle of a suspense scene.

15. When you realize that you end up idling a lot of your time when you could’ve been doing something constructive, and that’s how I’ve just realized I must stop my list here. 

See ya’ folks,

I now depart,

Hoping I do not encounter “things-that-irritate-me-most” … 

Wish you a similar “irritation-free” day !

;) 

:P

The Procrastinator's diary

Not really a Day.

It’s all the same, with variations of about 15% …: morning wake up is a fight with sleep, but mine’s somewhat peculiar, at times I do wake up but somehow realise that I still have time, so I tell myself to continue dreaming and I want to keep dreaming cause its filled with adventure and you never know what’s going to come up next but somedays I literally woke myself up cause aliens started to take over the world and filled every cm of earth like cockraoches, yes that was scary. Anyway moving on, if it’s a college working day, half your problem of going through the day is solved. But if it isn’t, the morning feels fresh and you prepare yourself up to complete the whole syllabus in one day. So you go for a shower, the only place that gives you respite from burning heat of delhi summer (even though it lasts a few minutes). Breakfast with parents, and sometimes mom’s beautiful singing skills that somewhat permanently damage your ear is to  be heard without any objection. You retire to your room, ganged up with about 20 books on the bed and more in the cupboard, open registers call out your attention, and with great enthusiasm you pick up the smallest book visible, in my case R.Kumar, but that later turns out to be the saddest choice you made cause even the solved example you open, you get stuck up in the very second step. So stuck, that you don’t want to do anything else, you try to solve another question on a fresh page and get stuck up again, so you decide to refresh yourself up, though the refreshing part that was meant to last an hour stretches out to the whole day. Well, you see, even if you want to study, and slide through pages of the book, invariantly you just step into a dreamland, and its only when a knock on the door startles you that your realize you were asleep. So you think to do something more productive, and pick up a Sherlock Holmes book, and delve into it so much so that though you’d decided to read only about 10 pages end up reading half the book. You go into the dining room for lunch, which you finish up real fast, not knowing whatever the contents of the food are but are to ingest anyhow to not fall off starvation. The weather seems really overpowering and you don’t want to turn on the a.c cause the bucks would fly off, and you’ve been secretly saving money for your dance workshop. Then the food, air, and books do so much that you are insisted upon a nap by your body who promises to be in prefect shape after the powerful nap. And yes all along through the day, the netbook next to you calls out to check up fb once in a while. Anyway, once you finally doze of in the arms of soft pillows, time just dilates and there’s no sense of present world (certainly most charming thing about sleeping, when in the heart of heart you are an escapist) untill the loud cries of the little kids who come for tuition wake you up. And then finally you set yourself up for something constructive, books still look humongous, so you think a lecture online would do you good. You listen to the lecture with great interest and make notes, but you see the most interesting part is, it is nothing related to your syllabus, so that adds up to all the more fun. And then randomly you check out nasa page, uefa champion league score and fb (these recent weird cartoon character jokes are spreading pretty fast, but I feel pity for those professional cartoon artists,  wonder what would they be thinking… )  At times you sketch or photograph or dance about while making maggi and record your songs (which turns out to be the greatest mistake, cause your recorded voice sounds like trash)… Accepting defeat, you finally decide to sit and study for exams in a few weeks. And then your phone pops up with messages, some welcoming and some not so and it often happens with me that I finish my balance in messaging without realizing that my message card finished about a day ago. So by this time, its late evening and dad comes from office, so you’ve got to greet him, and then comes pouring down of questions of what you did throughout the day (something that really makes you introspect about the whole day) … and after he leaves your room, you decide to pick up the book, but the attractive nat-geo issue on the side, pulls you to atleast flip through the breathtaking photographs of K2 and titanic (check out april issue, after about a hundered years, finally lights are “on” and detailed pictures of titanic are now in light), now you can’t help but read that article that invites you to dive into the depths wherein titanic sunk. You then wander off into the worlds of icebergs, or cameroon’s flim making, or thinking about the titanic 3D that’s coming up and you must watch, till suddenly you hear shrieks from few floors below (yeah, I live in flats, so that’s something frequent) then you hear the whistle of the steam cooker and your know its time for dinner. And arnab is constantly shouting out questions on tv. And you are transported back to the four walls wherein you stay; away from the dreamland of shimla trip of Sherlock and icebergs of artic or the Doppler shift of delta leporis. And just about when you start to get into your cribbing mode about the cage you are bounded to and the Indian education system, you realize that there is no point whatsoever and find some solace in writing out a diary like this. At times you get reminded of people who are maybe too busy doing some other work, so you concentrate your thoughts on something meaningful, but everything meaningful seems to deviate very largely from my current syllabus completion and things-to-do list. My day ended that fast, see…. And now, I am finally thinking to start off my studies though somewhat realizing that I am a day late again. 

Just woke up after another dream...

No more a Juliet in dreamy lands that end up having a Juliet sorta death with Romeo turning out to be too tried of drama :P 

Here are the list of who my next guy (if ever exists in this lifetime of mine shall be) ::

1. Knows a lot about physics, doesn't go blank when I say something about the crab nebula 6500 light years away or thinks of photon as what’s written on the tata-photon+ 3g net card.

2. Comprehends my unending thought train, in and about everything from psychological theories about social structures to parallel universes to science of dreaming to bio-mechanism of the eye and so on. Rather than finding me weird.

3. Deeply interested in poetry, literature, art, music, dance, photography, making documentaries or a new field of creative exploration and expression.

4. Not the I-met-you-last-night-I-fell-for-you (adrenaline junkie, who awaits the rush of a beginning of a relationship for he’s been lacking one) who later turns out to have enjoyed his share and leaves. When in senses, realizes his commitment-phobia. 

5. Not the I-shall-die-for-you (obsessive and overprotective) guy who plans to marry you, no matter how he treats you, cause you shall be the only one, whether he abuses you, plays with you, uses you, you shall turn out to be a worn out cushion bag by the end of it.

6. Not the I-fear-to-hurt-you guy who’s ready to sacrifice himself for he believes you shall be better off, or just can’t face, cause you are too good. And leaves thereafter.

7. Adventure sports should be his game, bungee jumping, biking mountain roads, trekking, rafting and so on, also apart from that should atleast be good at swimming, skating, basketball and badminton. Plus interested in watching football, oh yes, should be good enough to teach me football and not just kicking the ball.

8. Not a bloated-with-pride guy, but down to earth, concerned for public, also politically aware of things around him.

9. Not a sexually frustrated guy who watches porn day in and day out.

10. Doesn't smoke or do drugs.

11. Girls have never been such an integral part of his life, till he meets me. 

12. Writes and reads.

13. Basically should be intellectually challenging and stimulating and also at the same time “human”.

14. Most importantly, should’ve known me and been my best friend atleast for a minimum of 2 years.

Though I wouldn’t want the guy to have won the nobel prize, or the oscars, or in national team or so (ah, though that’d be a really nice starting point, but nah, he’d be too up in air with those credits in his pocket) but well, just another person, who shall be atleast at par with me, I am not an academy award winner or so, but neither am I the girl-next-door. I’ve learnt my lesson in due time, and I write this not just very logically, and intuitively but also with experience. Rather a note as a reminder for me, the next time I get into some trouble and a guy lingers around me, and I fall into my own trap of fairytale drama land only to wake up with the world having sped at the speed of light, whilst I stare at my dusted-self. And maybe in this list, I might have already denied 99% of men population to be my suitors. I still am firm on my list, and amendments can be made according to the situation but no more than 5% of already what there is.  And did I just list that down, cause I wanted to sit and admire these qualities ? No. I myself, am an explorer, who does, all that is listed above and a bit more, but of course, without recognition, and am I too bloated to be saying all out that about me ? No, just self-respect, stating all that I look for in someone is nothing more uncommon than it should be to me. And I’d very happily say, I am perfectly happy on my own, and wish to be that way for long now. But if ever another guy pops up, dreamily thinking of me, I’d be rather happy to tag him in this note XP

Sorry, I am NOT available. 

Happy friendship day :P

Glad to be your friend forever !

A DAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE…

We hear of life-changing events in people’s lives, much of it comes when one encounters the most unexpected situations, but for me, today was that very day that altered the way I look at life or the slightest complacency that I ever had about my  existence. And if ever, I had the slightest doubt in the existence of god, all of it, just vanished into thin air this very day, 6th January 2012.

Every moment I breathe seems a blessing,

Every second I step without tripping is a blessing, 

Every laugh share with a friend seems a blessing,

Every walk of mine is a blessing....

The day started off in a perfect daily routine, of trying to fight myself from waking up from the warm blanket that soaked me in, on a cold winter morning, but the racing needles of the clock, set me up to dress up, and off I was to college. 

There was a letter to be posted by today positively at any cost, but I didn’t know if I’ll even get the letter, you see, I’d lost hope after several trials on getting it, but thankfully I did. But when I did, I had to rush to the post-office as it closes at 3. So having left a project discussion, I set off with my friend to the post office which was only 3 km away, a distance not so noticeable if one drove. Or so I thought. Having driven for 1.5 year, and on a road so frequently traveled, it was almost as easy as walking a few meters on a road that you travel by everyday. That, which should have taken about 15 min, took what seemed like a lifetime, when the clockwork of your brain just stops and no matter how hard your brain tries to work, it actually stops to work. 

Never having met with an accident before, today was my first one. And before I can start thanking every human form of god I met, I thank god that it was only a minor accident. You see, in this over-populated Indian society of today, every common man, seems to have a driver. The so called ‘elites’ have left the steering, and their pea-sized brains only like to laze on the backseat and leave the beauty of driving and the beauty of the car, to a driver who only knows how every accelerator, brake, and clutch works. I don’t even know why they buy these beautiful cars when they don’t even know how to drive, taking a caravan on street would’ve been better, if all they wanted was to sit back and laze. But alas ! The beauty of the cars and the beauty of driving can only be felt by those who have tried or have the slightest sensitivity to their surroundings (which I say has a negative growth in the materialistic and hypocrite world of today). They have handsomest Audi, but they spit out paan on the road, ashes of cigarette, and packets of chips. To a world that doesn’t care for its own roads, what much do expect of any care for the people on the streets. But apart from my everyday glimpses of the painted rich, there’ll always exist  insolent glares of men, apparent F1 drivers with loudest music that’ll explode their cars, or the ever slow grandmom driving on the DND while a whole traffic forms behind her. Having faced these everyday roads, the good and not so good moments. Nothing could ever replace the pleasure of driving. Swishing past, the wide road, while the water and clouds combined to form one, and you tunnel through it, (through the DND road over Yamuna) or driving 40 km with heels at 8 pm or having driven through absolute blinding fog with little blinker lights or having driven through traffic jams on a flyover (on the ascending side, when you have just learnt driving, and you just can’t figure out how can you leave the brake and accelerate and trust that gravity doesn’t take over you too fast :P ) or the way driving becomes a part of you just like breathing. Feelings that could never be truly defined, but etched its mark in your everyday routine, that you just can’t let go off. And no matter, how much you’d shout out at people who lost their steering wheel to adrenalin, you would still want to wake up the next day, and drive. :)

However, everyday isn’t as pleasant as the previous, or as predictable as one would want. And today was one of those very days. A fancy elitist car was driving slowly behind the auto in a decent speed while I was on its right, so having taken a right turn I slowed down, like I slow down at every turn, like every other person should. But the driver found maybe a gap of about 2 cm between the auto and me, which to him seemed like a 100 feet, so there it went, at bolting speed, passing through a gap that it hardly could, accelerating from 10km/hr to about 40 km/hr in a matter of a few seconds. And that, of course didn’t go well with my car !! Alas ! My brake and my speed were decent enough, but there, went my bumper, out on the road, dangling with one end on the road and the other still joined to the car. Like every hit and run case, the fat woman in the backseat only stared back with horror as the car further sped to 100 km/hr. Having too much on my head to think all at once, I switched on the blinker, stopped car, and came out to check the damage, a part of me was relieved that it was nothing major and that me and my friend were safe, but a part of me was tensed and horrified looking at the first ever harm to a car that I had driven for so long. I reached out for the phone and called up dad, I needed help, that was certain. But he wasn’t helping much either, apart from the consistent worrying and suggestions that I had already thought of. Me and my friend examined what all could be used to hold up that bumper, from muffler, to thread which could be found nowhere but in a bracelet that a childhood friend of mine had made for me, we tried to hold it up, the world still sped past, and people just glared and past by. But alas ! God has different forms, he is in every human, he, who helps, when nothing seems to work, when one tries to fight a dead end. He came with a strong plastic thread sorts, and that was all we wanted !! He tied it up so perfectly, that it was the perfect temporary hold I had ever seen. And we just stared and thanked him more than we ever could. I still thank him from the core of my heart, I wish him the best in life, and I pray his deeds be blessed. He came perfectly on time, the savior. And nonetheless, I had called up some friends whom I told to get a mechanic from the petrol pump. But our job was done, before they reached, and I sincerely thank my friends for being friends and being more than I could ever express my gratitude for. So I carefully drove till the post office, with the friend of mine, we posted on time, and as they say, everything comes crashing on one day, today was exactly the day I didn’t have money in my purse, but thankfully my friend had exactly the right amount of money that was required. Having posted, we reached the mechanic nearby, all thanks to my dearest friend who knew the place all so well, while I still gazed at the new roads and shops on street, we finally met the mechanic who told to get the car, and told it would only take about 45 min. Relieved, we walked back and took the car to the mechanic, and he dealt with it as a person deals with toys that he plays around with day in and day out, I was amazed by his skills, I was amazed by the recovery of what seemed to be horrifying, I was amazed by the love of my friend who stayed up with me from the time of crisis to recovery just for me and being the only guide in  what seemed like a strange island to me. And somehow I was just amazed by everything that had just happened. Somehow perplexed at start but acquiring peace that I had never felt before. The sense of relief that gushed through my blood, made everything look so beautiful, I was drenched in gratitude for all that I went through and all the help that I received. I became so humble, a state, which was just not a word, but a feeling of respect for everything that surrounded me. Of the life I lived, and people who made my life a life to be lived for. The little titter-batter of cribbing just ended, right there, when the bumper fell down. Now, every moment was filled with hope. Not expectations, not wants, not cries, just hope. Clear, calm and serene. 

Of all that I am, and all that I will be,

Is not my doing alone,

But of all the people and incidents that shaped me up,

To who I am,

And who I can be,

I am grateful for thee presence,

In every breath I breathe,

I am blessed to have friends who really are friends,

And humans whose entrance only for a second, is godly presence…

To thee above,

And to all humans with the purest heart I know,

I pray for everyone,

I pray for your well being, 

I pray that you be blessed,

The way you have blessed me with your presence… 

A day I will never forget, 

A day that changed my life, 

A day that reminded me of my transient being, 

A day that broke all my inching complacencies….  

Amen…